i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
