so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
