I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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