Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
