Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
