Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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