if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
