I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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