he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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