So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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