I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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