sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
