Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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