I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
