So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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