we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
