he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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