Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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