Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
