We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
