I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
