I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
