Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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