I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
