your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
