i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
