Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
