just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
