so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
