I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
