God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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