That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
