I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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