i don't like sucking hair
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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