I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
