I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
