did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
