can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize