I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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