Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize