all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
