I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
