I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
one might say we're banned from that church
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
