The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
