I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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