Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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