rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
