i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
