It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
