You smell like stripper and shame
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
