I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
