mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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