just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
