the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
