If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
