We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
