My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
