Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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