so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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