I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
