So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
not ubering you a puppy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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