A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
