Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
