I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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