I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
