What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.