i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.