I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.