When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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