Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"

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(303): View more from Colorado

she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

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(310): View more from California

i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(702): View more from Nevada

I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer

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(630): View more from Illinois

I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

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(334): View more from Alabama

How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.

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(720): View more from Colorado

In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

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(616): View more from Michigan

The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.

(248): View more from Michigan

I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.

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