I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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