Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
