Have you finally orgasmed yet?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
