birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
