she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES