Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
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Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant