btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
