i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.