and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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