I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
