Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Found the puke drawer
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
COCAINE IS GR8
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
